Who is to blame?

I woke up suddenly. I realised that i have sweat on my forehead. My hands feel cold, my feet numb. I can still feel my heart thumping my chest as if it were trying to break free out of a cage, as if it knew the last moments of life were near and it wanted to live to it's fullest at it's final time. My final time, that is. Too similar to the way I've lived my life actually. Living carefree through and through, but when the time came for it to end, desperately trying to hold on, to manage it through somehow. I had been able to it until some time back, my luck ran out. I've never been a superstitious kinda guy (never means from the time of my puberty), but luck was something that would always hint of me going to that side of the world which I so much denied to. Good luck charms, huh. People around me would do all sorts of rubbish like wearing speciaaly made rings, threads, etc. Among these people, my Mom would come first. I would apologise to her for saying things like this about her, if I could; but lately, almost throughout my adoloscence, I become more and more short-tempered. Anger has taken control to such an extent that the simplest of signs to express love have evaded me as if I was not human. Maybe I've become an alien. Here's where I bring my dream in.
The world around me has changed. It surely did look different with dark skies haunted by a bright yellowish moon hanging like an orb behind those faintly painted clouds. A chilling wind fills up the vacuum. I can see some sort of creatures looking at me from behind those short bushes.
Ironically, it looks like an ideal shooting set for a horror serial, but there was something omnious.
I could feel a presence that was making me so weak that it was hard for me to stand on my legs.
My knees ached, my bones seemed hollow. Then I noticed one of those dark creatures come forward to be illuminated by the light. I recognised him to be my best friend. Behind him I saw more familiar faces coming forward into the light. I even saw my parents and my brother. But then terror struck like a lightening. I wasn't sure how but it seemed like the ground was giving away, creating a hole of entire darkness. My mind was telling me to run away, but my legs won't respond. It was as if the nerves in my legs were cut off. I tried to cry out to all those familiar faces, but then I realised what had been so omnious about the atmosphere. It was all so mute.
The hole in the ground was pulling me inside it as if it were a black hole. I wasn't even sure if this emptiness terrified me anymore. The darkness, shallowness, it seemed were inevitable and somehow, my mind was silently waiting for it.
As I opened my eyes, my dream reflected upon the reality. Everything was going blur, darkness rising up , ironically, just as sun rises to spread light everywhere. I felt like someone had slit open my throat, or why else would I be unable to hear my own voice. Maybe I'd gone deaf. Yeah, that must be it. They say when you approach your end, you start losing your senses one by one, with the last being the sense of vision. I wondered why it had to be the last. People said that when you are about to die, your life flashes before your eyes, all in an instant. But my case was different. Was I supposed to be angry about this or be glad that it will all soon be over? I didn't know what to feel. If I were superstitious, I could have blamed it on the Devil, but I am not. My vision was darkening more and more. Was there a way that this could be stopped. But again my mind said that rather than having to face the troubles and hardships of life, it is better to go into the arms of pure, supreme and eternal peace. NO, what if I do not want eternal peace; what if I wanted to face the hardships of life?? As my mind pondered over these silly things, little did I realise that my heart, which until a moment ago was ready to burst out of my chest had been quite out of the picture. It seemed to have gone silent. Maybe this was it. But, hang on, I can still see. Yes, I can...
But all that was left for me to see was a dense, sticky red fluid, a long white piece of paper drained over it and a glimpse of the most shockingly bright silver...